I’m not doing well. The second day now of awkward nonsense. Yesterday was more filled with cranky and annoyance and disappointment and even slight anger/outrage. Most of the day today has been all about avoidance and feeling resigned to the reality of things.
At some point a little while ago I realized that the avoidance was getting more and more difficult to pull off. I’m going into massive amounts of sadness with a side of resentment. So basically I’m going back and forth between soul crushing sadness, drowning in tears and resenting the fuck out of people. The sadness is fine, it’ll pass eventually when the sensation of loss fades away. The resentment will cause problems however. For sure.
Resentment at this level will eventually cause me to develop a massive disliking of insertnamehere which is not ok due to the way things are. I’m so tired of it and it hasn’t even lasted very long. But I think that knowing where it might lead along with the fact that new issues will come up related to insertnamehere is what’s making me so tired. I’m taking it out in advance.
Also, I feel wronged. Which might be super selfish of me but hey, guess what. I don’t give a fuck.
I can talk to nobody about it. So I stew and go around in circles in my head. I just want to fall off the face of the earth. This is not going to end well.