Writing still hasn’t happened. The past 3 nights have been filled with awkward, feeling shitty with K. One night due to me saying I feel like a guest and will never feel like his/their apartment is my home. Second one due to looking at naked ex-pictures which was all ok in my book up until he said something that triggered a tornado of my feeling like we’re all the same, that I should be different but I appear not to be. Tonight was all about her-drama, after barely one week at her new job she’s considering quitting because she can’t hack it – he’s still supporting her and will continue to for an indeterminate amount of time.
-I care about her and I want to support her because of that and because I can – I would do the same for you..
–Ah, there it is again.
-I don’t feel comfortable talking about this, every time we do, drama and conflict happens.
AKA I get butthurt.
-What I’m trying to say is that what you just said is another piece of reason as to why I feel like there’s no difference between me and her.
More drama, me saying that this all puts things into perspective, that I don’t know that I’m comfortable with continuous support of her when we’ve consolidated because it will affect our mutual lives, us as a couple. He disagrees. And then, silence.
I’m so tired, so weary, so sick of all the drama. Maybe we should stop communicating for a while? We seem to suck at it, but not communicating will make us both constantly miserable. I don’t know what to do.
Add to that the fact that I’m still headbutting with my parents. I need this month to be over so I can be done and closer to leaving.