He left right before 7PM yesterday. I asked him, more than once, to just text me a quick msg to let me know whether or not he’d be coming home. NOT A WORD. Nothing. All evening. All night. Yes, he may have passed out. I get it, it happens. But …
7PM. Should be interesting. Life seems pretty good for N nowadays. Life for me is still mostly in the gutter. No change. A lot of weirdness, talking/non-talking with K the past few days. Almost fighting. I don’t like it at all. But we’ll pull through. I need change. I need …
Woke up at midnight. He didn’t even think to wake me up. I was so shocked and upset that I cried for like 10 minutes straight. The rest of the day – utter bullshit. I should have stayed in bed. A mess of feeling shitty, infecting K, ending it in tears. …
I can no longer tell if this exhaustion is purely due to the emotional state lately or if it’s the telltale fatigue returning. Sleep is weird, inadequate, not restful. Hopefully it’s resolved soon. A brief mention of the wanting to move to the US today where N was surprised at …
Things are still messy. I don’t see that changing drastically until things change drastically. I’m still sad/down mostly but at least there are a few moments of normal here and there.
Some good news today: N finally got a job. About damn time. Crappy pay but still better than where he’s at now. He’s nervous but excited to start on April 4. I’m very happy for him, he needs this.
Oh apparently there is also a woman of interest on Tinder. Very exciting to see where that goes.
Today has been… I don’t even know what. I’ve been exhausted all day. Mom has been calling because she’s worried about me being tired from antihistamines. Even though she knows they make you tired. Apparently my health still freaks her out. I don’t think that’s ever going to change. Anyway, I woke …
Still not ready to go into details about the trip. My mood is like a yoyo. I haven’t had one whole entire day be good since I came back. Why am I not ready? Partially because of sadness. Most of the time I’m grieving a loss, it seems. And even …
It’s been over a year. To be fair, I kept it going for a while online until I recently decided that I missed the writing itself. A lot of things have changed and yet, a lot is still the same. We moved, April of 2015. All of a sudden, we …
I’m not doing well. The second day now of awkward nonsense. Yesterday was more filled with cranky and annoyance and disappointment and even slight anger/outrage. Most of the day today has been all about avoidance and feeling resigned to the reality of things. At some point a little while ago …
That’s all I get. No questions asked. No discussion. No nothing. A unilateral decision. An expectation that I will accept this. That I will bend and compromise away all. Because, hey….that’s my role, right? That’s my position in all this. I am supposed to take what I am so graciously …