I hate my brain. I hate my insecurities. I hate that I’m bothered by the “first thing in the morning, last thing before bedtime” whatsapp conversations, the almost daily “I miss you”-s, the nicknames that I never got and how insignificant it makes me feel despite me having all I …
You know, one of these days I’d really like to write something all good in this thing. Every time things start looking up, something inevitably happens. I’m so sick of it. My mom sent me an email in the middle of the night last night, going back to complaining and guilting …
I completely lost my shit today. Worst day ever. Firstly, N announces, out of the blue, as he’s making dinner: “Oh by the way, Kim is on webcam just FYI.” Talk about having a ton of bricks dropped on my head. This made me so ridiculously uncomfortable in my own skin …
Writing still hasn’t happened. The past 3 nights have been filled with awkward, feeling shitty with K. One night due to me saying I feel like a guest and will never feel like his/their apartment is my home. Second one due to looking at naked ex-pictures which was all ok …
I’m not doing well. The second day now of awkward nonsense. Yesterday was more filled with cranky and annoyance and disappointment and even slight anger/outrage. Most of the day today has been all about avoidance and feeling resigned to the reality of things. At some point a little while ago …
That’s all I get. No questions asked. No discussion. No nothing. A unilateral decision. An expectation that I will accept this. That I will bend and compromise away all. Because, hey….that’s my role, right? That’s my position in all this. I am supposed to take what I am so graciously …
Is this going to turn out to be the longest year in memory? This past Thursday was tests day again. Every 6 months, I repeat the same tests and eye exam for the study I’m part of. Pretty quick and painless. The upcoming Monday however? That’s probably gonna be not …
Life is fucking surreal. In general, on and off, life itself shifts from mundane and pedestrian to some kind of normal middle ground to the weirdest, most random and surreal shit you’ve ever seen. Currently, my life is so fucking surreal. I was going to say chaotic at first, but …
I need a vacation. Preferably somewhere far away from everything, a cabin in the woods or something. I can’t deal with life anymore.